Writing comedy is hard. It's one of the reasons I've never done it. You either are an absolute genius, or you totally suck. There's not much middle ground...and what little there is belongs to the castoffs you see at local comedy clubs; desperate shmoes all aching for the big time, who will never get their shot at The Tonight Show, Letter-man or even Conan O'brien. Because they're just not that funny.
Reno 911 is a funny show, but usually only in spurts. The Cops spoof has either clutch-your-sides funny moments, or you can hear crickets chirping. The failure of the recent film based on the show fell into the latter category. So while it should come as no surprise, it nonetheless does that when two of the talented actors on the show chose to write an offbeat comedy about the underground world of table tennis, the movie's efforts pratfall directly onto its face.
Balls of Fury, written by Thomas Lennon(Reno's Lt. Jim Dangle) and Ben Garant(Reno's Deputy Travis Jr.), with direction by the latt-er, is a comedy which takes itself too seriously, all the while doing its best to ape what being funny means. In all honesty, as a mild parody of Bruce Lee's classic Enter the Dragon, it would have probably played better if it had been a straight drama...there would have been more genuine laughs that way.
From the outset, Balls of Fury is preposterous in its premise, even for a comedy: as a 12 year-old boy, Randy Daytona(played at this stage by Brett DelBuono) is a ping-pong prodigy, who makes the covers of sports magazines, the fronts of cereal boxes and has rabid female groupies. He's so good that he plays--and beats--adults in the professional ring. That is until the day comes when his nerves are shaken because his father(Robert Patrick) has placed money on this particular game, and made the mistake of wagering with the Chinese Triads(first Rush Hour 3, now Balls. The Triads are really making a comeback as villains this year. Good for them!). To make matters even worse, Randy must face off against Karl Wolf-schtagg, a German ubermensch seeking to dominate the sport. It wouldn't be much of a redemption story if Randy didn't lose, and so he does, his last dazed cry becoming a motto he is mocked for throughout his life.
Cut to 19 years later, and Randy(now played by Dan Fogler) is now on the small time circuit in Reno, performing at a run-down gin joint. He is sought out by FBI special agent Ernie Rodriguez(George Lopez) for a mission which can only be carried out utilizing Randy's unique skill. Feng, a criminal overlord in the world of illegal tabletop tennis, has a hidden base which is used to ship illicit product all over the world--guns, sex slaves, what-have-you. Using Randy as the key to enter the forbidden gates of Feng's palace, Rodriguez hopes to make the bust of his career and take Feng down.
Randy reluctantly agrees, but his skills have become somewhat rusty and he needs tutoring to bring him up to acceptable levels and attract Feng's attention. Rodriguez brings him to a tennis school run by blind, wizened instructor Master Wong(James Hong) and his truly hot niece Maggie(Maggie Q). From the outset of this part of the tale, we are treated to blind jokes which have obviously been sitting on the shelf and are thereby way past their expiration date, and the stupid insinuation that anyone as attractive as Maggie Q(Live Free or Die Hard, Mission Impossible III) would be attracted to a living bowl of jello like Fogler. It's a comedy, yes, so we're supposed to forgive this point...yet while the pairing has moderately acceptable onscreen chemistry(none of the actors really click together in virtu-ally any scenes they share), it's still hard to visually accept the duo as a couple when they find their mutual attraction. Perhaps it's because throughout the story, there is never any point whatsoever where Maggie is given any reason to fall for Randy. The movie focuses so straight-ahead on the impending ping-pong champion-ship that it forgets to add any sparkle to the romance aspect of the duo's portion of the story. Two people don't just meet, say a few lines of dialogue, and then fall madly in love. Doesn't work in real life, doesn't work in comedy.
Soon enough, after besting the top champion in Chinatown's back alleys, Randy is invited to Feng's retreat/fortress. There are various homages to Bruce Lee's seminal martial arts masterwork, in both the establishing shots of Feng's palace, and the design of the interior as well. The one saving grace for this film is Feng himself, played by Christopher Walken. This is one of those films where for once, Walken plays an actual character, and not himself. Walken plays his role with a surprising amount of restraint, in direct contrast to Fogler's over-the-top delivery when he does pratfalls and other physical schtick. At times it seems as if Fogler is attempting to win the Jack Black Award For Inanely Conspicuous Performance. Con-versely, Walken is in a groove here, pulling off the unbelievable part of Feng quite believably. Fortunately, he is on screen for a good deal of the time.
Just as in any underdog-reclaims-glory film, there are various cliches which must be adhered to. Of course, Randy must face off against Wolfschtagg again--although to be honest, the way their second match ends did surprise me, and that's about the only other compliment(besides Walken's performance) that director Garant is getting out of me. Of course, in the end Randy and Maggie must realize they're meant to be together. These cliches and others are paid their due respect, but it's a shame that so many good actors put in appearances in this movie, and must be made to suffer for it. Jason Scott Lee, who once played the master himself in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, plays an irate and humiliated student of Master Wong. Maggie Q, so good in all her other films, does her best to work with the weak material she's given. The problem is, the talents of these actors are almost totally wasted.
Just as there are few solid roles for black actors that don't depict them as druggies, drug dealers, pimps or hos, so also do Asian actors find themselves facing the same problem. Most Asian roles call for either a comedic sidekick, a member of an Asian triad, period piece work or for women especially, the dutiful loving(and by means of a subtle message, subservient) wife/girlfriend of a white male. Unless an Asian actor is working exclusively in Asian cinema, more modern--and equal--roles are usually not handed out. It's not their fault of course; mainstream Hollywood writes what it knows. Comedy should follow the same rule: write what you know. I honestly can't believe that not one person--actor, writer, script continuity person--didn't look at the script, shake their head and say "This isn't good. This isn't funny." And if you're not good at writing comedy, then don't listen to the yes men and hangers-on and butt kissers who inform your existence. The writers and director of Balls of Fury should have taken a step back, reassessed what they were doing, and called it quits.
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Balls of Fury: Total Point Loss
If you chuckle at this poster, be glad: it's the funniest thing about the entire movie.
Dan Fogler plays an all-time loser who gets his second shot at the big time. It's Rocky, but with tiny balls.
Maggie Q plays the niece of Randy's instructor, and inexplicably falls for the rotund hero.
Co-writer, actor: Thomas Lennon does both for this film, but barely manages to pull off the last one.
Saving grace: Christopher Walken's performance is pretty much the only good thing in the movie...but still not enough reason to go see it.
