And boy, does the sap run thick in P.S. I Love You.

     The movie centers around Holly Kennedy(Hilary Swank), a just-about-to-turn 30 year-old whose husband Gerry(Gerard Butler) has recently died from a brain tumor. The movie wastes no time in introducing us to the happy couple via the tired cliche of them having an argument over things said in a conversation with Holly's mom, money problems, career prob-lems, whether or not to have kids...you name it, it's probably in the argument. Then of course, they almost immediately apologize to each other and have the makeup sex...because as we all know from Jerry Seinfeld, "it's all about the makeup sex." We then have the opening credits with the standard lovey-dovey photos showing how happy Gerry and Holly are together, and then as soon as the credits end--boom!--he's dead.

     At the wake, we are introduced to Holly's friends and family. There's mom Patricia(Kathy Bates) who hated Gerry for marry-ing her daughter at the tender age of 18, and never lets her forget it--even at the wake! There's married pals John and Sharon McCarthy(James Marsters and Gina Gershon), who have personalities as distinctive as blank slates. Eternally horny pal Denise(played by Friends' Lisa Kudrow, who's aging like Dorian Gray after his portrait was destroyed) who is always on the hunt for Mr. Right Now, and cruelly disses any guy who doesn't match up in the slightest to her moderately exacting standards("Are you single? Are you gay? Are you working?")...is this really supposed to be the new female empowerment?

     There's also sister-in-law Ciara, played by singer Nellie McKay, making her acting debut here. I know I've complained a few times about how bad Scout Taylor-Compton was in Rob Zombie's Halloween, but whoa--! McKay seems to have corn-ered Compton in a dark alley and brutally mugged her for all her bad acting skills. It is painful to watch this girl deliver even a single line of dialogue, let alone deliver it in more than one scene. Finally, there's Harry Connick Jr. as Daniel, a worker in Patricia's bar. Daniel is damaged goods, a guy who lost his wife to another woman, along with his intended business part-nership. He has a problem with social interaction, and says anything that comes to his mind immediately, rather than filtering it. However, Connick Jr. is such a mediocre actor to begin with, at times it seems as if he's playing Daniel as not just a heartbroken, wounded man, but also mildly retarded. The worst part of his performance is that it seems he's unintentionally playing Daniel as mentally handicapped, and no one thought to tell him the character isn't supposed to be.

     Faithful to the 2004 novel of the same name, written by Irish author Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You has the late Gerry posthumously deliver letters to Holly every day, detailing diff-erent ways in which she should continue to have fun, to stay alive emotionally...in effect, to move past the pain of her loss and learn how to live again. It's an interesting concept, except the movie is so rife with cliches and forced moments, all the performances seem to be off just a bit. From beyond the grave, Gerry manages to have Holly take a trip to his home-land of Ireland, which should be extremely unlikely, consider-ing the couple was arguing about how thinly stretched their finances were shortly before he died. Without her husband around, it's hard to assume her financial woes have improved any.

     As directed by Richard LaGravenese(Freedom Writers, Living Out Loud), the movie seems to take fooooorrrrevveeer to move from one tried-and-true cliche(upon her dead mas-ter's bidding, Holly gets over her fear of singing in public by performing karaoke) to another completely implausible situa-tion(once in Ireland, Holly just happens to sleep with one of Gerry's old bandmates). Also, there's an absolutely(uninten-tionally) laughable flashback to when Holly and Gerry first met in Ireland, where LaGravenese tries to pass off the 30-plus Swank and nearly 40 year-old Butler as teenagers! Some-where, cinematic crapmeister Uwe Boll is smiling.

     The movie makes for one embarassing gag reel of bad performances from A, B and C list stars. Blandly written by LaGravenese and Steven Rogers(Hope Floats, Stepmom), with a script that includes what seems to be a 2nd grader's idea of funny lines an adult might say, and a twist on Gerry's "gift" to Holly which could be the first cinematic inclusion of a deus ex mommy. There are even worse stereotypes of gay men than could ever have been found in 2007's I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry. And as far as Gerry's letters go, I am now officially sick of hearing anyone say "P.S. I Love You". The only thing about the story which isn't cliche and is even remotely original is the resolution to the will they/won't they get together subplot with Holly and Daniel.

     Honestly ladies, be warned: if you drag your significant other to this, be prepared to do things for him later which you've never even thought of doing before(and which are probably considered to be cardinal sins by most religions) in fair quid pro quo. This is one boring snoozefest of a love story, and I can't even imagine the most die-hard chick flick fan being enamored of this piece of slop.

     P.S. I'd like to kick LaGravenese and his writer down a flight of stairs.