The movie Stardust is new to theaters, but it might leave audiences feeling as if they're watching a bridal gown being assembled: something borrowed, something blue.
That's because, as directed by Matthew Vaughn(Layer Cake and the upcoming Thor) from Neil Gaiman's graphic novel, it tries to pull the same hat trick J.K. Rowling did when she created the universe of Harry Potter by taking different elements from various eras of mythology and conjoining them into one story. The problem here is that like a slow child just missing the last seat in a game of musical chairs, Vaughn reaches into the hat only to find Rowling has already snatched up all the best parts.
Our story opens with a prologue narrated by Ian McKellen, and tells of a young man named Dunstan who lives in a quiet town called Wall, in the English countryside sometime during the Victorian age. Wall is called such because of the large wall that encircles it, and keeps the town apart from an unexplored realm on the other side. The other realm(later explained to actually exist in another dimension, but accessible once someone pass-es through the only broken portion of the barrier) is a magical one where witches, mystical kings and unicorns live. Ducking past the wizened gatekeeper one night, Dunstan makes his way to the enchanted realm and has a one-night stand with a young woman(Kate Magowan) held prisoner by a witch(Melanie Hill). Their hookup produces a child which is eventually left on Dun-stan's doorstep, and he lovingly raises the baby, named Tristan by his mother.
Before I go any further, I have to state that the story almost fell apart for me at the beginning, based solely on the grade C acting of Ben Barnes as young Dunstan. Barnes thankfully has very few lines, but he's such an incapable actor that when he arrives at the mystical village's market--where magical things are clearly on display--it quickly becomes evident he has no ability to emote a sense of wonder at what he sees, and fails to draw us in as interested parties. Barnes' facial expressions are so casual, you'd think his character is seeing everyday items. And when the captive woman offers him a freebie, his "excited" look is so ridiculous, I thought drool would start running out the side of his mouth.
Thankfully, the prologue is brief and Barnes is quickly re-placed by Nathaniel Parker as the story jumps ahead eighteen years to find Tristan(Charlie Cox) in love with a self-centered, vainglorious young woman named Victoria(Sienna Miller). It's a hopeless love for Tristan; Victoria comes from money, and he's a simple shop boy. Worse still, her attentions are already reserved for another upper crust snob, Humphrey(Henry Cavill). After Victoria unintentionally manages to get Tristan fired from his job, she takes pity on him and agrees to a midnight picnic on a starry night. During their conversation, she reveals that Humphrey has gone traveling to bring her back an engagement ring. Determined to prove his love for her, Tristan sets on a course of one-upmanship and vows to bring back to her a star which the two of them witness falling from the sky. Victoria agrees to marry him, if he can fulfill his vow.
Unknown to Tristan, the star which has fallen has taken on human form and lies semi-conscious within its crater. At the same time, the king of the mystical realm(Peter O'Toole) has sent his four remaining sons on a quest to retrieve a royal ruby. The one who can find it and restore its color is to be the next to ascend the throne. As all this takes place, an ancient witch named Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer) and her sisters(Sarah Alexan-der and Joanna Scanlan) have become aware of the star falling to Earth, and realize that if they can cut out its heart and devour it, they will be restored to their youth.
Elder Dunstan finally reveals to Tristan the letter which was with the baby delivered to his doorstep long ago, along with a candle which was wrapped in it. Known as a Babylon candle, it is capable of nearly instantaneous teleportation, based on the user's focused wish on where they want to be. Thinking of his mother, Tristan uses the candle, but for reasons which are never fully explained--yet most certainly to move the plot along--he ends up in the crater where the star fell. The star's name is Yvaine(Claire Danes) and using a mystical length of chain, Tris-tan ignobly binds her with it and proceeds to lead her off to his intended, Victoria. With the aid of a unicorn, Yvaine manages to escape from Tristan, who is thereafter warned in a dream by one of her fellow stars that Yvaine is in danger. My question however is that if the stars are always watching from above--as the story puts forth--why weren't they more specific in where the danger is coming from, and how best to avoid it?
Tristan coincidentally hitches a ride with Prince Primus(the very likeable Jason Flemyng, and yes--that's the character's name), and the two manage to arrive at the same magically constructed inn which Lamia is using to set up a false sense of security for Yvaine, before getting to the main bloodletting.
Through a series of events brought about by unlikely timing, Tristan manages to rescue Yvaine using the Babylon candle--but the effort yields half a positive result: divided in their focus on where each wants to be, they end up together adrift among the clouds, where they are netted by the crew of an airborne sailing ship piloted by Captain Shakespeare(Robert DeNiro).
In a film thick with English accents(including Danes' very effective one, a close second behind Natalie Portman's in V for Vendetta), it was very jarring to suddenly hear DeNiro's distinct-ly New York accent! I shook my head in disbelief, fearing that I and the poor, unsuspecting audience I was seated with were about to witness another performance as dismal as the one he gave in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein a few years back. DeNiro once pulled off a British accent to great success in Brazil--had he somehow lost the skill in these intervening years? Luckily, the shock was short-lived; DeNiro's overall performance is a treat to behold, and he obviously had a lot of fun in this role, especially during a later sequence in his cabin--which I won't tell you about, since there's a revelation about this character which is one of the more enjoyable and good-humored surprises of the film.
There are actually quite a few things to like about Stardust overall. While clocking in at two hours and five minutes, it never feels slow or overly long...however, due to the very nature of the type of story being presented, there are very few surprises in the film. It's also fairly bloody and violent in certain aspects, considering the target audience is most definitely on the tender side of a PG-13 rating.
Because Stardust is a type of fairy tale, there's never any true worry or doubt as to whether some conventional aspects of the story will happen or not. Will Tristan wake up and realize that he and Yvaine are actually destined to be together? Will Yvaine survive Lamia's attempts to take her heart? It really isn't ruining anything to say "of course" to either question...just as no one should really have been surprised that the first chapter of the first Harry Potter book proved prophetic at the cumulative end of his story. Fairy tales wouldn't be fairy tales if they ended with our heroes losing at the end. The true telling of the tale isn't whether Sleeping Beauty awakes...it's how Prince Charming reaches the point where he finally gets to plant a kiss on her.
The effects within Stardust are impressive only to a certain point. All of Michelle Pfeiffer's eldritch energies are expertly crafted and believable. Unlike Lord of the Rings however, when massive castles or backgrounds are rendered, they're suitable only for students of CGI on how to improve upon the design when they graduate and jump into the biz. There is one truly great sword fight near the end however, wherein Tristan must battle a reanimated corpse, and the stunt coordinators/swords-men must be congratulated. It's a standout.
In the end, Stardust is a tale which has been told before, only in various guises. Although its central themes of found love and choosing courage over despair are the "something borrowed, something blue" mentioned earlier, in the world we live in today, with its sharper angles and dark corners at every turn, it's quite possible that a movie like this is necessary. In which case, I recommend seeing it...after all, stars don't shine forever.
Official Archives of LanceReviews...
Stardust
One fairy tale among many...
On the plus side, the movie's a damn sight more exciting than its lame tag line.
"Sshh! This is the best work you've ever done! Don't ruin it by trying to act!"
Michelle Pfeiffer casts a spell to keep the audience's suspension of disbelief going.
"Are you boarding my ship? You boarding my ship? I don't see no one else here, so you must be trying to board me!"
Pfeiffer shows Charlie Cox why you don't bring a sword to a magic fight.
Insert your own "Claire gets a little horny" joke here.
Charlie ties up Claire Danes and prepares to take her home;
a fantasy shared by every heterosexual male on Earth.
